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15 August 2008 @ 11:15 am
another day being wooed on the interwebs  
I've got this account here, and one or two others scattered about in less useful places that I really don't think much of.  Need to stay with it and in touch, though, so I keep them even if I never pay much attention.

In one such place, I get the occasional wanna.  Generally they start out relatively well, with accurate spelling and, perhaps, even some glimpse into the person who so very much wants to love me and be loved by me.  Half way down the note, they start telling me how stunningly beautiful my picture is.  Um.  Right.  I'm not ugly, certainly, but try for a bit of realism, 'kay?  It goes over better.  Anyway, the real clincher comes at the bottom of each of these charming gentlemen's letters.  I've got a note in my profile that I absolutely, positively, can't stand it when people start abbreviating their writing with stuff such as "u" for "you", and somehow they never seem to be able to hold up their side of the bargain for the length of a short note.  Doesn't say much for their ability to carry on a relationship beyond the first five minutes.  Or perhaps it's just their woeful reading skills or lack of interest in who I actually am that causes this lapse.  Whatever. 

Anyway, I received one a few days ago that I ran across just now, while looking for something that A. just sent me.  It followed the same invariable pattern, starting out acceptable, waxing hyperbolic on my looks, and then crashing and burning with the text-message style abbreviations and horrific grammar/syntax/spelling/etc at the end.  (My, they're predictable.)  The last sentence, though, was priceless, so I share it with you:

"well i wouldn't mind if am been given the chance opportunity's to get to know u better i pledge that your infarct worth to be called QUEEN OF THE WORLD"
I'm delighted that he'd be so enamoured of a potential heart attack or stroke of mine that he'd name it queen.  Really, I am. 
Biston Betulariapepperedmoth on August 15th, 2008 04:00 pm (UTC)
Can't . . .Stop . . . the giggles! When I saw 'infarct' that was what I thought of, too, and then I glance down and you've made the same snide comment.

Oh, stupid people.
a wind-carried wing: electric dandelionaenohe on August 15th, 2008 07:00 pm (UTC)
myocardial infarction!
I didn't know you were getting awful love letters! It gives us so much more to giggle about, especially because it doesn't involve "u kno who".

(Deleted comment)
betonicabetonica on August 15th, 2008 07:34 pm (UTC)
all out of new keyboard, sorry
Please feel free to send PlagueBoy the post. I enjoyed his eloquent description of the Fuzzypants episode elsenet.
piranha @ dreamwidthpir_anha on August 16th, 2008 02:42 am (UTC)
u r so byudifull 2 meee!
how can they possibly write acceptable at the start when this is how it ends? there've got to be form letters out there for wannas, and some are fool enough to "personalize" the sign-off.
offcenter_wcoffcenter_wc on August 16th, 2008 12:51 pm (UTC)
Good Lord! So that's what I was up to that night!

(Not to mention that big box of designer coffee, a green-and-yellow lava lamp, and an inflatable sheep that arrived later that week. I can't wait to see the credit card bill next month...)

Seriously, is there anything like a World's Best/Worst Wanna competition out there? Problem is, sure you could get hyperbolic doing it for fun, but the best ones seem to come from the ones who reallyreallyreally mean it.

(Obviously related thought: one of the glories of the Innernut is that it doesn't increase anyone's dumbass level, it just gives them the opportunity to make it blatantly obvious. Apply where needed.)